New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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