im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
