so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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