Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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