Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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