i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
