We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
