We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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