Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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