A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
