im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
