I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she peed on how many people?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize