The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
