I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
