I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
