Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
