she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
