2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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