fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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