I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
