and you said cock pushups were impossible
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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