i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
