drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
