Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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