i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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