My nipple is on Facebook.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
