HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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