thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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