I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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