He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
