There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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