I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
