The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nutella sex= disaster
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
