how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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