dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
