The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
