If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
