Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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