So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
