the condom got lost in my hair
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
