I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
