A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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