was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
