I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
