can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
