help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
