In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
