I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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