my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
