ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
