I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
