Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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